Depression isn't a fought-it-and-won kind of disease. It's a learning-to-live-with-living disease. People who have suffered with real Depression (not "I need a break from work so I'll say I'm depressed" Depression) never "get better." They learn new coping mechanisms, they train themselves to avoid triggers, they accept that 5 is their new 10. But get better?
Doesn't happen.
If you've recently been diagnosed with this disease, if your shiny new therapist told you that it's "gonna get better one day!" then I'm real damned sorry 'cause you've been sold a pack of lies. Well, half-lies. It does get better... You'll probably crawl your way up from a 0 to a 5, all right, but you're never going to get that 10 back - and that's what we all expect when we hear the word "better," right?
Better is a lie.
Give it up. Let it go. You'll never see it again. Don't be angry with the people who lied to you, just lie right back. From now on, when people ask you how you are, smile. (That's the first thing a person with Depression learns: how to smile convincingly.) Say, "Oh, fine!" when you've managed to make it up to a 3. I'll know it's a lie. You'll know it's a lie - but the normals, the ones who don't spend every day fighting themselves to get to the next, they don't know.
Gods willing they never will.
And if you're a real fighter, if you've scrapped your way up to a 5, say "Good!" More lies, but who cares? Every now and then you'll come across someone who meets your eye and gives you a nice, long stare. They won't say anything, but maybe they'll give you a small nod. When that happens, you'll know you met another survivor.
We don't wear happy "I fought Depression and won!" tee shirts. We don't run marathons - hell, some days it's hard enough to get out of bed.
We don't get better. We just get better at surviving - and if we're the only ones who know that there's a fine line between surviving and living, that's "fine."
