Tuesday, 19 March 2013


My husband is an expert at ruining surprises. Not intentionally, mind you, just accidentally. It started many years ago when, trying to surprise him, I ordered him a DVD that he'd been really wanting, intending to give it to him for an upcoming holiday. The DVD arrived while I was out and I'd forgotten to swap his name on the delivery form for mine. You can guess what happened. I got home to a very happy husband. He held up the DVD with a big grin on his face and said, "Look! I don't even remember ordering it!"


And thus was instituted the Don't Freaking Open Packages Unless You're Told To rule. It has done me well over the past few years. Jay knows better now than to open packages and ruin surprises - but it doesn't stop him from ruining the ones that don't come through the post. Take the two from last week, as an example. 

Last week I had to post a couple of packages to America. Shipping prices have been going up and up so I set aside a good chunk of money for them when I got paid last month. Luckily, it didn't even cost me half of what I was expecting (whoot!) so I could afford a few small surprises. I knew that Jay had been wanting a DVD for a few weeks now but, being broke as fuck, I hadn't been able to afford it for him. Now I could. So I took myself down to ASDA and picked it up in my lunch hour at work, intending to surprise him when we got home.

Only the surprise didn't last that long.

Sitting on the dashboard of the car when I got in it was the DVD he wanted. He'd ended up with extra money left over from his weekly housekeeping and managed to pick it up himself. He was quite happy about this mistake because we went right back to ASDA to exchange it for another DVD that he wanted. So, really, he got two DVDs out of it and was a happy puppy. (Never mind that my surprise was completely ruined!)

During the same trip to ASDA, I also picked up his Easter goodies, knowing that it's only a couple of weeks away and I might forget later. I put them in a bag and hid them in the top of the pantry where he would never think to look. (I know... that's where I keep the linens and, being a man, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what the word "linens" means.) A perfect plan! Or... nearly. This surprise was ruined when Jay opened the pantry to get a snack and the bag full of Easter goodies fell off the shelf. It landed, quite literary, in his lap.

I was in the kitchen at the time and heard, "Ooooh, look! Chocolate eggs!" With a *groan* and a *facepalm* I stomped into the dining room to find a very happy looking Jay ready to tear into a box of Cadbury's Creme Eggs. In my grumpiness I grabbed the bag and shoved it back in the top of the closet before proceeding to lecture him on ruining surprises - a lecture, during which, he failed to look contrite in the slightest and occasionally giggled.

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