I got to thinking about what my favourite horror movie of last year would be. Turns out, it's impossible for me to pick just one. I can, however, pick a handful. So... let's do that.
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The “What the Fuck Did I Just Watch?!”: The Cleanse If you haven't seen The Cleanse, now is the perfect time. It's about this down-on-his-luck guy (Johnny Galecki) who goes to a retreat to turn his life around. It starts awkward and weird and gets... well, a whole lot weirder. Yeah... I'm not sure weird is a weird enough word. The retreat run by Anjelica Huston's Lily forces clients to face their demons by literally puking up them up. And then, you know, killing them - which would probably have worked out a lot better for everyone if their demons weren't so damned adorable! |
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The Horror/Thriller: Bad Samaritan I'll be honest, I skipped over Bad Samaritan at least a dozen times before I finally watched it. I just didn't expect it to be my thing. I'm not really into moody dramas. (Strange, I know, right?) I'm totally into this nasty, fucked up revenge piece, though. And DAYUM, David Tennant is one BAMF. |
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The Dark Dystopia: The Domestics At first glance, The Domestics is just Mad Max Lite but there are themes of home, safety, love, and family that give it depth that some dysoptians try to use as tools but fail to ever fully develop. It's a dystopia - but not JUST a dystopia. The Domestics certainly does have its share of brutality and gore. It doesn't, however, linger unnecessarily on those things - which makes me happy since, as you know, I'm a big wuss when it comes to viscera. Eww, viscera. Oh! And there are even cannibals. Because no apocalypse is complete without a few cannibals. |
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The Religious Spine-Tingler: The Devil’s Doorway I love me some religious horror. Don't know why that is but it's probably something I need to take up with my therapist... Anyway, The Nun seemed like a sure bet for this spot, right, because The Freaking Nun! The Devil's Doorway steals it for me, though, because I expected The Nun to be awesome (and it was.) I wasn't expecting anything at all from The Devil's Doorway, which made an already great movie even better. The trouble with religious horror is there are all these rules and tropes already built into the religions filmmakers have to work around... or work with. A good religious horror, like The Devil's Doorway, can take those things you've seen a million times and use them to set up the big scares, rather than relying on them to BE the big scares. The Devil's Doorway even throws in a little found-footage action (which I not-so-secretly love.) |
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The Trippy Mind Fuck: The Endless I watched The Endless around about the time all the crazy cryptic-ness started with twenty one pilots over the release of their new album so it’s safe to say my mind was already pretty spun-out. Now that I think about it, adding the crazy topsy-turvy ride of The Endless to that mix might not have been a brilliant idea... This one gets into your head and settles down for the long-haul. It's totally non-linear, which should make it confusing but The Endless does actually fit together perfectly. Eventually. |
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The Wicker Man’s Child: Apostle Where Paganism and Christianity meet in a blood-soaked stew of hypocrisy! Too often, you watch a trailer like the one for Apostle and get all excited, only to be disappointed when you realize the trailer either shows all the best bits or is nothing like the rest of the movie. With Apostle, you won't be disappointed on either count. Apostle is basically what would have happened if The Wicker Man had a kid who just wanted to be as good as Daddy but grew up to be a fucking psycho. So... you know, what The Wicker Tree should have been. |
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The Action/Horror: The Meg Hello, Jaws? Welcome to 2018. I'm not even going to pretend The Meg is anything other than a modern Jaws, with a bigger shark and buffer hero. That's EXACTLY what it is - and isn't it fun?! I don't really get why the world at large seems to hate The Meg because it's got good jumps, good graphics, good actors, and good action. Yes, it's mindless, but it's also fun to look at (and I've known people who've gotten by on a lot less than that.) |
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The Insane Bloodbath: Mayhem Because everyone who has ever worked in an office has felt the desire to rage-out on their co-workers. Right? Right? Mayhem is slick, funny, fast-paced, and so (SO) messed up. Or was that messy? Yeah... both. If, after you watch and love Mayhem, check out Office Uprising, its cheesier younger brother. |
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The Classic Ghost Story: Winchester There’s nothing I love more than a ghost story - especially if it can make me jump, which this one does. If it also includes the world-class acting of Helen Mirren, ever better! Winchester is more than just a good ghost story; it’s a biting social commentary about the dangers of firearms wrapped in a creepy, horror wrapper. It’s especially relevant with the endless battle between the NRA and common decency. (No, I’m not even going to pretend to be unbiased on this count. Fuck those fuckers.) Don’t worry, though, the story and acting are both strong enough that it doesn’t feel preachy. It’s a solid horror story that makes you think. |
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The Blast-From-the-Past: Leprechaun Returns The big come-back of the year was, of course, Halloween, which was great on so many levels. Leprechaun Returns was similar in that it ignored any sequels and followed immediately after the first Leprechaun movie. And, unlike Halloween, which featured its franchises biggest actor once again in the lead, Warwick Davis did not reprise his role as the title character. So... why is Leprechaun Returns here, instead of Halloween? Pure, schlocky fun, that’s why! Leprechaun Returns is a perfect continuation of the franchise, with riotous action, nods to the original, returning cast, and plenty of fun, inventive deaths. It’s one of those movies you can completely shut your brain off to watch and that’s why I love it. |
That's my list and, yeah, I know there are critics out there spewing that none of their most-loved films got anywhere near this list. You know where those movies are? Here:
The Worst Horror Movies of the Year:
A Quiet Place - ridiculously over-hyped
Hereditary - a complete mess
Annihilation - nonsensical drivel
Ghost Stories - tries too hard to be clever and fails
The Night Eats the World - mind-numbingly dull
I watch a lot of horror movies, no doubt about that. What I don't do a lot is leave the house. 'Cause, you know, PEOPLE. *shudder* That's why there are some big movies still on my to-watch list. Hopefully I'll get to watch them soon and update you all.
Still to Watch:
The Possession of Hannah Grace
The First Purge
Suspiria
Anna and the Apocalypse
Overlord
What do you think of my lists? Are they very different from your own? Let me know! (Just don't try to sell me on A Quiet Place. Life's too short.)
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