Tuesday, 2 April 2019

Book Review: Vampire Addiction (The Vampires of Athens #1) by Eva Pohler **SPOILERS AND SNARK**

Gertrude (Gertie) Morgan is a stinking-rich kid being forced into a year of study abroad. Who should she meet on her very first day in Greece but a vampire and a demigod?

(Start where you mean to go on, they say. )

The vampires of Greece are called tramps (there is some relevant translation in there but I don't care to go into all that.) They're descended from Dionysus (who wants them to overthrow the humans and take over the city,) have x-rays vision, are only allowed to drink a pint per victim, and pass on their abilities through their bite for about 6 hours.

(Can you feel my eyes rolling?)

Vampire Addiction is straight-up ridiculousness. It's juvenile, predictable, and centers around a (groan) love triangle. BUT it isn't written in 1st person, which instantly wins any YA bonus points from me. The strange intermingling of vampires with Greek mythology is a clever, intriguing concept but comes across as silly because it's under-developed.

Gertie is a completely unlikable character for me. She's selfish, childish, and a total user. A good backstory would have gone a long way toward making her relatable but is frustratingly absent - until the information is needed to progress the storyline.

Every character in the book gets essentially the same treatment. Rather than well-rounded individuals, they come cross as dolls to be moved from Point A to Point B, without any motivation. Giving the characters a reason for existing requires a lot more introspection than is present in Vampire Addiction. (Basically, none.)

The author shows fair technical ability but repetitive sentence structure slows the narrative down and overuse of pronouns makes distinguishing from one "she" to another confusing. She (hah) also gets needlessly bogged down by mentioning social media, as if begging to search her out on it. But, I got sidetracked. I was talking about why I hate Gertie. Here are a few things I hadn't gotten around to...

1. What's with all the biting-her-lip-until it bleeds crap? I've done that, like, once in my life. Gertie does it at least once a day.
2. No boy in the entire world can keep his lips off her. Everyone is just crazy about her but I finished the book and I still don't know what she fricking looks like.
3. She can never seem to remember anything. Then, she does but she doesn't believe it - must have been drugged!
4. And, because it's YA, she cries nonstop, sometimes out of the blue.

Vampire Addiction is subtle as a train wreck. No effort whatsoever is made to develop the story before a vampire is thrown in your face. Next, Gertie goes on and on about how much she loves Greek mythology to, of course, a demigod. You can see exactly what's going to happen from the very beginning.

For the most part, Vampire Addiction is just plain cringe-worthy. The Greeks are total cliches, as if they're from some make-believe place, rather than a huge tourist destination. The vampires ("tramps") are even worse. Just imagine every horrible cliche you've ever heard about vampires and it's probably in there. (At least they don't sparkle, though, right?)

(Although... using "tramp stamp" to describe a vampire bite did make me laugh.)

Yes, Vampire Addiction is ridiculous. Even so, I found myself oddly entertained. (Not entertained enough to read the next book in the series.) It's one of those so-bad-it's-okay kind of things.

No comments:

Post a Comment