Me: Okay, I'm going to ask you some questions about Child's Play.
Jay: Okay.
Me: So... do you prefer the original or the remake?
Jay: Definitely the original.
Me: I figured you'd say that. Why?
Jay: It was a better story. The voodoo aspect added something really special to it. It's not just some disgruntled employee, it's a fucking psychopath who's trying to save his own skin.
Me: I thought it was less a disgruntled employee and more an issue of systemic abuse. Like a sweatshop, you know? Plus, it made it so much more realistic. Reprogramming an electronic doll to remove its safeguards is a lot easier to believe than someone pulling off a complicated voodoo ritual while dying and being hunted by the police.
Jay: That's what I love about you, you take the fun out of voodoo.
Me: Well, I mean... come on. People who really practice voodoo don't fear death so the guy who taught Charles wouldn't have given up the deets on how to move into the boy.
Jay: Do you ever just sit and enjoy a movie?
Me: I did enjoy Child's Play! I enjoyed the remake more, though.
Jay: Meh... They had thirty years to come up with something better than the original and they didn't. An angry employee? That's the best you can do? I mean... I get that you want to do something new, but you could've come up with something better than that.
I don't know. Maybe if I hadn't seen the original, I would have enjoyed it - but I had. I mean, I did enjoy it, but I didn't enjoy it more - and that's the point of a remake, right?
Me: They did a great job of bringing it up to date, though. The original does feel pretty dated now.
Jay: A lot of things are the same. You've still got an overworked single mother living in an apartment with her son. In the original, though, you've got a better reason for Chucky's determination to kill Andy.
Me: You mean other than "imprinting" on him? (Which kind of feels a little Twightl-y, but okay.)
Jay: Exactly.
So Charles is stuck in this stupid doll and he wants out. The only way he can do it is to take over the kid's body. There's a reason for his obsession.
You know the original was better because of its longevity. It's still relevant today and has spawned... seven sequels?
Me: A lot. There have been a lot of sequels - and they're all pretty good. Especially some of the newer ones.
Jay: Right. Has there been any talk of a sequel for the remake?
Me: Actually...
Jay: Seriously?
Me: Well, not in so many words. They were talking about it but then, you know, the world ended.
Anyway, let's talk about the rebranding. Goodbye, Good Guy. Hello, Buddi. What did you think of that? And, damn, that's a big doll. Freaking huge doll.
Jay: Alright, well, let me ask you a question.
Me: Shoot.
Jay: How many Good Guy Chucky dolls have you seen?
Me: Loads. I actually had one.
Jay: Of course you did. That's my point, though. Everywhere you look, you see the original version. You just don't see the Buddi version anywhere and that's because it didn't have the darkness that the Good Guy doll did. He looks kind of messed up, but not scary.
And, really, it's supposed to be a doll, not this weird animatronic thing that looks human. Well, kind of human.
Me: That's just changing to fit the new technology of the time.
Jay: Yeah, but what I'm saying is that, with all the CGI available now, you could have made it so much more believable. The remake kind of fell short. It just... doesn't look right. It still just looks like a weird rubber doll.
They really could have done some of the effects better. Chucky was better in the original, with fewer special effects available.
The original doll was terrifying. There's that bit where she's threatening to throw it into the fire if it doesn't talk and then it goes nuts. That's a great scene, absolutely terrifying.
Me: Honestly, the fact that Charles Lee Ray was inside the doll, sleeping with the little boy in his bed... that was the terrifying bit for me. So much yuck.
Jay: I don't think it was intended to be sexual, just terrifying, knowing that danger was so close.
Me: I'm gonna stick with yucky but okay.
What about the casts?
Jay: The original cast was far superior. I mean, there were some good actors in the remake but there were no Chris Sarandons. No Brad Dourifs. They were more or less forgettable.
Me: Well, Chris Sarandon was definitely fun to look at, but I didn't like his character. He was just a douche-y cop. I'll give you Dourif, though. He's always amazing.
Jay: It's the mania he brings to the role. When he's fucking losing it, when he's laughing maniacally... the new Chucky didn't have that. The original was straight up evil.
Me: For me, the fact that the the new Chucky didn't really understand that he was wrong was so powerful. He didn't get that he was bad. I like the fact that they, the kids, kind of taught him to be that way.
It's like when Chucky watches Andy stab the knife down onto the wooden block, then you see Chucky mimicking it like... yeah.
Jay: But why would he have learned that? Why would have chosen to learn to murder? There were so many things he was taught. Why did that stick and none of the rest?
Me: It's because that was what made Andy happy. (Which, by the way, creepy.) If, I dunno, knitting had made Andy happy, he probably would have learned that. Very different movie.
Jay: It just seemed too sudden to me. Like, he goes nuts straight away. Charles Lee Ray had a reason, he was stuck inside this fucking doll and couldn't get out. That would make you crazy.
Me: I can tell we're not going to agree on this one. I thought the remake was a great film. It had some good fake outs, some good jumps, and there was some great humor. Oh, my god. When Chucky kills the mother's boyfriend and the guy's scalp flies off - that was fucking great.
Jay: I understood that kill but what about the old black woman? What was the point of her death?
Me: It was because she made a joke about Andy being her new best friend. Chucky couldn't understand humor, so he got jealous.
Jay: But... couldn't he? The fact that he was manipulating technology - cutting off the video feed at just the right time, that said to me that he understood perfectly well what he was doing. So which is it? Does he have the mentality of a child or is he intelligent enough to control all the technology around him? You can't have it both ways.
Me: What would you have liked them to do with the Chucky doll?
Jay: I dunno... something different. So his eyes glowed, that's it. They could have done so much more, made him so much more. I'm not saying I want him break dance or something, just... I don't know. Switch it up.
That's how I feel about the whole movie. They could have changed the story in so many ways, really taken it in a new direction. But they didn't. Why not make Andy a spoiled little rich brat who got unlucky enough to get that doll? Do something different!
Me: Okay, decision time. I prefer the remake. It's more relevant and more believable. I have a feeling you're not going to agree with me, though.
Jay: Listen to that feeling.
Me: Hah. So you're picking the original.
Jay: Definitely. They had a chance at taking it up a notch and they failed. They didn't beat the original.
Me: Another draw...
