Wow. Just... wow.
I almost stopped Doll Factory after about ten seconds. It was that bad. But, Jay convinced me to stick with it (Actually, what he said was, "We've got nothing better to do," which isn't exactly the same thing.) and I'm not going to lie... I'm glad we watched it. Don't get me wrong - Doll Factory isn't exactly a hidden gem. It's more of a so-bad-it's-good movie.
Still worth a watch.
It took me a while to realize I was watching what the British lovingly call a piss-take. The synopsis is incredibly simple: a bunch of dumb ass, sexed up, drunk teens (played by actors who were definitely not teens) party in a cursed doll factory in a small Texas town. While there, they accidentally wake up an army of possessed dolls who go on a murderous rampage with hilarious consequences.
You know... that classic trope.
Doll Factory is 100% low-budget, b movie pulp and it has every intention of being so. Viewers who go into it thinking they're about to watch a serious horror movie had best prepare themselves for disappointment. Or, do the sensible thing. Spark one up, pop some 'corn, and go one one of the weirdest fucking rides of their lives.
I've seen a lot of weird horror movies in my time. (C'mon. I'm married to Jay. You know that's the truth.) Doll Factory definitely makes the top 10 for WTF Am I Watching?! (And I once sat through a movie where a priest got off on a tree with lady parts...)
I will go ahead and say that this one is definitely not for the easily offended. Fuckers pissed me off about a hundred times and I knew that's what they were going for. The sexist, racist, homophobic jokes were so over-the-top. If they annoy you though (and they will,) just content yourself with the knowledge that everyone making them will die horribly at the hands of the cutest, freakiest little freaking dolls I wish I could get my hands on.
Seriously... can we get some licenced merch, please? I need one of these dolls in my life.
The dolls steal the show every single time. I can't even choose a favourite moment with them in it. Is it the doll that shouts "Weee!" as it's punted across the screen? The doll that's too busy hitting the bong to kill anyone? The doll that crawls inside one girl's freaking cootchie? Maybe the way the dolls sing "Flight of the Valkyries?" Doll in a blender? I. Just. Can't. Pick.
I have to tell you to watch Doll Factory because it's just too bizarre not to see. Forget the terrible acting. Ignore the crap costumes and cheap props. Don't worry about the embarrassingly bad CGI. It's worth every minute of sheer madness and the stitches you'll get in your sides from laughing. Just don't take it (or yourself) too seriously.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
