When it comes to superhero movies, I have just one rule: Never heed the word of the fuckbois, for they are big of mouth and small of… mind.
(Replace the “m” word as you see fit.)
As the release date for Morbius neared, critics came
down hard on the film – hardly surprising since their whole job revolves around
proving how much better they are than everyone else. (Kind of like
Convservative MPs.) Snobbery, blah, blah, blah. Then the movie came out and all
anyone could talk about was “I heard it was awful.”
But no one I talked to had even seen it.
They were basing their opinions entirely on the word of fuckbois
they’d seen complaining about the movie online.
*sigh*
Tut tut, y’all. When will you learn?
Fuckbois had decided they hated the film before it even finished
filming. Why? Because Jared Leto. Apparently some fuckbois never forgave
Jared Leto for being the most original version of an abusive lunatic (ie: Joker)
and not being Heath Ledger’s drooly-faced, lip-smacking abusive lunatic.
(Personally, I thought Jared Leto's Joker was the best of all
– but I also thought his decision to leave was the right one and Harley’s
character was much, much better when she was single. I have big opinions.)
I have a thing for vampires, you know.
For the sake of full disclosure, even though I’m a comic book
hoarding geekgirl, I’ve never read the Morbius comic books. Just never
got around to it. (Ask me about Howard the Duck sometime…) All I knew
going into it was that Morbius was a Spider-man villain, Jared Leto has great
eyes, and Venom prepared us for a new, darker MCU that I was 100% ready
for.
Sometimes it’s better this way. Since I didn’t know much
about the character, I didn’t spend the whole movie being annoying by little
things like the fact that he drank blood with his mouth instead of his hands. (Yeah,
Google it.) Not that it’s not a fun idea for a fanfic…
So, what is Morbius about? (As always, there will be spoilers.)
Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) meets his best friend and
surrogate brother, Milo (Matt Smith,) at a hospital in Greece for children with
a rare blood disorder. He vows to find a cure for them and devotes his life to
that cause, even earning a Nobel prize along the way, while Milo devotes his
life to being a spoiled little rich boy. The “cure” Michael eventually finds is
more of a curse – not that it stops Milo from stealing it, then revelling in
all the inhuman powers it gives him. To save himself, the woman he loves, and the
people of New York, Michael has to face off against the man he always
considered a brother.
I love everything about this movie. It ticks every box for
me, starting with Jared Leto as a vampire. Yum. Jared Leto in a manbun. Yum. Jared
Leto rockin’ some young Gary Oldman as Vlad the Impaler vibes with that little
beard…
Mostly Jared Leto, not gonna lie.
(See what I mean about it being a good thing I had to
watch it at home?)
But it’s not just a movie with Sexy Vampire Jared
Leto. It’s a superhero horror movie with Sexy Vampire Jared Leto. How is that
not the best combination? And I don’t mean that it’s a little spooky.
Marvel went full horror on this one. The vampire transformations range
from quick and subtle to full-blown and terrifying, but they are always shiver-up-your-spine
effective. They are bat-like. They are grotesque. They are masterful.
They’re better than anything I’ve seen in a full-fledged
horror movie in a long time.
Like I said, Morbius isn’t just a horror
movie. It’s also a superhero movie, which means plenty of action. The movie’s introduction
is a perfection example of that. It starts with a sweeping shot of a helicopter
landing on the side of a mountain – nothing you wouldn’t see in any action
flick – until the explosion of bats.
It’s interesting that, with his rain… cloak? Michael looks more
like a villain in his scene than a hero (or anti-hero.)
There’s never really any doubt who the villain of the piece
will be, though. It’s sort of like watching an old episode of Columbo. You
know who the baddie is, you’re just waiting to see how he gets had. In this
case, you know from the way Milo hauls off and whoops the schoolboys outside
his hospital that he’s going to be a “wrong ‘un,” you’re just waiting to see
how it happens.
Morbius is a superhero action movie full of horror, but
it also has plenty of romance. Martine Bancroft (Adria Arjona) is a strong
Latina woman who takes zero shit from the police and earns my (and Michael’s) undying
respect. There’s a sweet playfulness to their relationship that makes you root
for them from the first moment they first appear onscreen together.
(And, yes, I can turn on a movie that quickly.)
So, when Martine bites Michael’s lip and I realized she was
looking after number one, I literally cheered. That’s what the film
industry has been missing.
(As long as they don’t use this as an excuse to turn her
character into a villain that Morbius has to kill later, because that shit’s
not okay either.)
They left the ending open-ended enough that my sad little
fangirl heart can make believe that Michael and Martine are out there living
their best vampire lives somewhere…
*sigh*
Story aside, I can’t wrap up this review without talking – okay,
gushing – about the imagery in Morbius. It’s just stunning. I
love the overall mist against neon look that gives it both a gritty urban and
mystical feel at the same time. This is especially effective later in the film
when Morbius is “flying” through the city. It’s the perfect representation of
Morbius himself: the scientist who used science to turn himself into a mythical
beast.
(And it’s great that no one ever shies away from calling him
a vampire. It makes for some great vampire puns.)
The neon lights on the rooftops are also a nice touch,
especially during the scene I mentioned before with Martine’s “death.” The small,
square skylights lit up from beneath in green and red in a grid resembling a Rubik
Cube, which you see with Michael throughout the film – and isn’t symbolism fun?
Speaking of symbolism… the way they keep going back to the
stopwatch is such a powerful move. Obviously, Michael is obsessed with his own
demise because his rare blood condition is a death sentence that he should have
already succumbed to. It really speaks to the human fascination with the
vampire mythos and the deeper meaning behind that.
We’re all obsessed with immortality, with counting down our
days. Morbius subtly resets his stopwatch, counting down the minutes
until he turns into the monster he fears, and reminding us of the cost of our
obsession with youth.
But back to the imagery… Let’s talk about bats. (Literally
any time.) Bats streaming from the cave at the beginning, bats in their “fishbowl”
in Michael’s lab, bats in the sewers when they come to his aid, etc. I think my
favourite use of the bats is when they lift the weakened Morbius to his feet
during the final fight with Milo. There’s just something beautifully poetic
about the movement, like a kind of ballet dance.
Morbius is incredible to look at. And Morbius is
incredible to look at. (Seriously, my notes read “JACKED,” “FUCKING SCARY AND
SEXY,” and “SFX are FUCKING INCREDIBLE!”) From the whisps of darkness when the
vampires move to the way the air currents move around Michael and Milo when
they fight, Morbius is a visually stunning treat that takes multiple
viewings to appreciate.
But it’s not all action, adventure, and exsanguination. (“I
looked it up.”) The story deserves a deeper look too. As someone who suffers
from chronic illness, I really feel the way Milo casually dismisses his pain as
an “11” when asked how it is on a scale of 1-10. Chronic illness plays such an
important part to the development of both Milo and Michael’s stories.
Can we really blame Milo for enjoying the first pain-free
days in his life? Wouldn’t you fight anyone who threatened to take that away? (Of
course, there’s the social aspect as well… maybe if Milo hadn’t been the
entitled, hedonistic, white brat he was as a human, he wouldn’t have become the
monster he was as a vampire, but that’s a discussion for another bottle of
bourbon…)
And how can we really appreciate Michael’s battle against the
bloodlust unless we also understand that not giving into it means giving
in to the illness that will kill him? Not just kill him but cripple him
in increasing amounts of pain along the way. He’s not just fighting the monster
within him; he’s fighting the chronic illness within him – and one of them has
to win.
I don’t think there’s any doubt at this point that I enjoyed
Morbius. Like I said, I have a thing for vampires. Despite what the
critics and the fuckbois say, this is what Jay would call a “top tier” film for
me. In fact, Morbius is easily my favourite MCU film. This is the one to
beat.
Rating: 🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇🦇
